Air Travel Moves Toward Vertical Flight

Orlando, Florida.... Word from airline industry insiders is that the air travel is about to take a stand up position. At a time when the FAA is under fire for not adequately managing airline maintenance and Air Traffic controllers claim it is only a matter of time before a major accident happens, the large air carriers are attempting a major overhaul to increase passenger density on planes. They are hoping to boost profits that have been dwindling due to high fuel cost.

Stand up and be counted.... Vertical Flight Airliners or VFA's will begin this fall. No seats just polls and hand loops as you stand for the entire flight. Short commuter flights of 45 minutes or less will be the first routes to use the VFA's. One worker at the Orlando International Airport reported that he saw all the seats being removed from a Delta Connection Flight last week. There will be an estimated 20% increase in the number of passengers a plane can carry. Weight is the limiting factor. Some business travelers were excited about the lower ticket prices which are estimated to be 32% less according to a undisclosed source at United Airlines with Delta reporting that they will beat that by 2%. Sound far fetched? Just remember that in a society where seat belts are required in almost and moving vehicle the airline industry has elected to move you from one concourse to another via a fast moving train or monorail that has no seats, only polls and hand loops attached to the ceiling's frame. This was no accident. An insider at a major airport hub reveled that the airline industry purposely introduced this system of transport as a test to see if the public would accept such an inconvenience. And we do.

Bring one dollar bills... A spokes person from Hustler Magazine stated that though they were diametrically opposed to the airlines increasing their profits it may be an opportunity for some woman to pay for their flights by poll dancing their way to Newark. The now defunct Hooter's Airline had no comment but did say they wished they had thought of this first.